Friday, May 1, 2009

Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. VII - Just Our Thoughts


“Ms. Codependent / that’s why I loathe herrrrrr / Ms. Codependent / won’t you come and spend some of your diiiimes!”- “Ms. Codependent”, off the Baker’s Dozen LP

Men love women that are independent, sexy, ambitious, pleasant, independent, sensible…did we mention independent? Let’s keep it funky, if Daddy (biological or other) is footing for the bill for your living expenses (Bills and/or Rent)* and you haven’t bought a drink for yourself in the club in over 4 months, you ARE NOT an independent woman! For the record, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the luxury and pampering a lady deserves. However, you becoming undeserving the moment you expect a man to pony up and provide shit you wouldn’t even have without Daddy’s Am Ex. You are stunting your growth as a WOMAN. Can you sustain yourself without codependency on a man? Fellas, please be leery of any woman who owns more than 5 designer bags and has an American Express for which she is not the primary account owner!

[*Note: There is a 2 yr leeway period for women who are pursuing graduate degrees. Times are hard. Credit is not being extended and grants/scholarships aren’t as plentiful. After that grace period though, strap up your bootstraps baby and keep it pushing]

Let your drive and hard work define your swag ladies, not just the tangible end product, because while the superficial may get you the D, the sensible will get you the man attached to it!

This brings us to another related issue: “you may not be a whore, but you are wearing a whores uniform!” Why is it OK for you to accept favorable treatment in the form of free goods and services in addition to preferred entry into establishments for being fine, yet you shun the thought of being objectified for your sexuality? Ladies, this is an oxymoron and confuses the fuck out of men. I’m sure you have a lovely personality and a heart of gold, but if your tittys are poppin out of your turtle neck © Chappelle, you may want to obtain a realistic outlook on why men want to buy you nice things and expensive meals. I consider myself to be a good dude and I ain’t never bought Filet Mignon and fine wine for the sake of “good conversation”. If you want to be respected for your mind and your inner beauty a good place to start is making sure that when you bend over in your skirt that your ass cheeks are not exposed. You should also consider wearing something over those ass-sentuating tights (although Wordsmith really likes those) and covering your breasts from time to time. It’s amazing what can happen when a man is forced to focus his energy on your face instead wanting to poke that supple breast tissue. A pants suit from time to time might work in your favor as well, we like to call that the Claire Huxtable! Shawty is the shit © The Dream


Now, I know a lot of women may read this and be offended that that they have been somehow mislabeled as a scallywag because they don’t pay for drinks in clubs or they use their looks to get material goods… and for all you confused beasts for which this applies let us say: Ladies IT IS OK to refute a man’s attempt to buy you drinks in the club. Shit, if you really want to confuse the nigga, offer to buy his next round. We guarantee you he will see a golden glow around you for the rest of the night! As much as you like that complimentary Moet, best believe I like that Yak for the free (or gratis for all our international subscribers). Its all about reciprocity baby! “Scratch my back, I’ll rub yours, you know a lil massssage or something” (c) Wood, Love Jones. So ladies, next time you step out on the scene, tuck away the twins, pull your skirt down, & hit the ATM… cuz niggas love that drank!

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