Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. III - You Might Be a Scallywag If...

"She who layeth with dogs, reapeth the fleas of discontent and self loathing. She holds onto fleeting fantasies of Dior and Louis V fancy while stunting her own self growth and fiscal attractiveness. She is a beast that is a danger to herself and ones most close; known throughout lands near & far she is 'femininus scallywageth' " - Ancient African Proverb

So while thinking of our next dose of self help, we decided that we may have put the cart before the proverbial horse. You may be asking, “Wordsmith & Arteest, how can I tell if I exhibit scallywag tendencies?” Excellent question! To help you do your self assessment we have created a 20 question frame of reference just so you know which camp to align with. With the help of this questionnaire, you’ll be on the road to self discovery and recovery in no time. Without further ado, we present ”You might be a Scallywag if…”

1. If you know AND sing all the words to ‘My Neck, My Back’, ‘Buss It Baby’ (actually ANY Plies song), & ‘Bust It Open’
2. If you "take trips out of town" but never come back with any souvenirs or pictures. Just sore legs and the need to get your hair re-done
3. If you are adamant about "only drinking champagne in VIP", but you did not put in on the section
4. If your "man" asks you not to share his name with your friends
5. If you have more than 5 credit cards and only 1 bank account
6. If your knowledge of wine only spans as far as "Red or White", yet you always ask for wine
7. If your boyfriend does not live with you, pays NaN bill, or support his own kids, yet you insist your daughter/son call him 'Daddy'
8. If you have ever lost a job because your manager was "hatin"
9. If you strip to go to pay for Medical/Dental/Pharmacy school, BUT have never applied for a grant or fellowship
10. If your lip gloss is "poppin'!"
11. If you feel the need to drop it, shake it, and/or bust it open at a moment’s notice
12. If you've ever cussed out a cashier over anything under $1
13. If you've made an excuse for Chris Brown’s innocence
14. If your "Chicken Soup for the Soul" comes from a Beyonce, Keisha Cole, and/or Mary J. Blige song
15. If you think that you can be an event planner b/c you made the cupcakes and "jungle juice" for your homegirl’s baby shower
16. If you know more about celebrity gossip than current events
17. If you think talking louder than everyone else makes your point valid
18. If you truly believe all your man problems are b/c "niggaz ain't shit"
19. If your tattoos have NO meaning and are larger than most men
20. If "skeet" has become a term of endearment between you and your man