Feedback on the Self-Help Series

B: son i am reading the blog; "You have mastered the art of mature sexy; tailored pants suit CHECK, mean heel game CHECK, dressed appropriately for the weather CHECK"

i saw a chick in the city today outside the courthouse

the way she was dressed was so perfect i had to speak

i was coming out the courthouse

Wordsmith: YES! that's when you know its on point. like, 'baby i dont even wanna holla I just had to speak to you"

B: exactly

i was just like excuse me i just had to tell you that you look amazing

and just kept it moving

and the kicker? she was appreciative

Wordsmith: that's the thing. its a fine line between complimentary black man and thirsty ass nigga
lol
LET ME CROSS THAT LINE, dont assume I'm about to do the stanky leg all over that shit immediately

B: lmao yeah

just let me admire the work you put in to look like a dream i wish i could have twice

Hump Day - Round 3

I have a vivid imagination and a photographic memory. Seeing the sounds that come across through a great song is what music is all about. The first time I heard this song, I had some visions that weren't even appropriate for Skinemax. I would have to recruit Mr. Cheeks to direct my full feature and this would serve as the score....

Friday Funny - Back in Day...

Childhood is truly a remarkable part of life. The innocence [or ignorance] of your impressionable mind is tainted everytime you are met with one of life's undeniable truths. It's like a drop of die in a glass of water, it only takes ONE drop to ruin it. Wait...that's kind of depressing but it was profound...I digress (I'm obviously feeling myself). I said all that to say, remember the days when your parents shielded you from the truth? When certain words were spelled out in your presence in fear of you catching on? When Santa* brought gifts and the Stork brought babies? Well, our kids won't even get the comfort of a lil white lie about how Daddy " was not hurting mommy last night" or how great your their "art" is. Why? Well, it's not because of the internet or the fact that kids nowadays know entirely too much about sex...There's a new product on the market...

*My father told me from jump there was no Santa. No fat white man was gettin credit for the gifts he broke bread on. I was made to keep this information from my other cousins who believed in that ho ho ho ass nigga, St. Nick

Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. V - Ode to the Sensible

In our quest to enlighten the sensible woman and the scallywag, my colleague and I had the realization that we may have fallen short in countering the negatives with the positives. That’s not cool. Lo Siento. We want to enlighten, inspire, and invigorate the wimmens. So in order to write our wrongs, we decided to dedicate this installment to the Sensible Sexy women of the world. We know Ne-Yo is currently smitten over Miss Independent, but we’ll take Queen Sensible any day of the week. This one is for the breezy* and not the smeezie*.

Cheers 2 U Sensible Sexy Woman:

• Your bra and panties ALWAYS match. And even if it’s not the same set per se, the color schemes are on point. With you, I’m pleased with what you wear in the streets and it’s a treat to see what you got on underneath. [AY! OK! © OJ da Juiceman]
• You can create edible elation with whatever I have in my cabinets, something like a culinary MacGyver. I got bread, cheese, and salsa, and somehow come back with a Ribeye and Crab Oscar
• You have a workout routine for your health and not just to look good for the summer. After a hard workout, you maintain an agreeable glow and somehow you don’t smell like you just ran with a pack of animals.
• Although your dumb ass friends are consistently in your ear, you manage to separate real from fake and don’t let them pollute your mind. Don’t save them, they DO NOT want be saved!
• You embrace and react appropriately to PDA, but don’t feel compelled to relentlessly initiate it.
• You know what it feels like for your feet to hurt, not because you sacrificed practicality for style, but because you've been up all day on your grind. More importantly, you still pass Marcus Graham’s patented foot test! [If you haven’t seen Boomerang, kill yo self]
• You have mastered the subtleties of PDA i.e. the ear nibble, the whisper, the wink, and the lip bite so in the presence of company I can read your mind, I know what you’re thinking…and it’s alright with me (c) Avant
• You may not be in the mood that night [lawry’s] BUT you wake a brother up to early morning hot cakes the next day. Good Mooooornnnninnngggg © John Legend
• When you come over for the holidays you arrive bearing gifts and you leave with a to-go plate that was offered to you.
• You have mastered the art of mature sexy; tailored pants suit CHECK, mean heel game CHECK, dressed appropriately for the weather CHECK
• You keep arguments and discontent for the privacy of home quarters. You & drama aren’t acquaintances and damn sure ain't friends.
• You can be content with sitting home some evenings while reading a good book that elevates the mind and soul. You have no regrets about missing the club...but you will pick your girl up after she has managed to drink her weight in champagne and Patron all because "He (Trapstar, Entertainer, Baller, Random Trickin' Ass nigga) was buying".
• And most importantly…
  You know that a grilled cheese is made best with 2 slices of American cheese, slightly blackened & complimented with a side of tomato bisque.

*Breezy [Bree-zee] - A woman of exceptional beauty who possesses most qualities a man is looking for; Derived from her pleasant nature which is comforting as a “warm breeze”
*Smeezie [Smee-zee] - A combination of smut and sleezy; Fellatious woman; femininus scallywageth

Hump Day - Round 2

It's always that one song on the album that you wish was longer. It's so good you know its worthy of one more verse. Here are two songs that immediately come to mind, Something New & Something Classic...

Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. IV - You Forgot Something...

Most men gather all their belongings before they leave a woman's residence AND would be salty if they left something behind. So men, have you ever walked back into your place and noticed one of the following items: a hair clip/tie, earrings, watch, ring, and/or random article of clothing? Did you immediately think, "You came with these things. These are not gifts...take this shit with you!" If this has happened to you, you've been marked...by the beast, the foul beast, femininus scallywageth.

Ladies, we understand there are certain things that are inadvertently left over a man's house after sleeping over. However, similar to literature, there is a symbolic meaning to the items most often "misplaced" in man's domicile:

1. Panties - Without uttering a word, you have told said man that he owns your goodies. Not to happy about this? Yeah. I'm sure your kitten isn't happy with no coverage in the dead of winter either...we're just saying


2. Watch - The D has fucked up your sense of time and space


3. Earrings - There is an audio sensor in these so she can hear your conversations; be extra leery if she leaves large hoop earrings. I've seen some wild things in the James Bond movies and I believe something like this sparked the Cold War.


4. Rings - My mama and daddy had a ring incident once. She got a lifetime commitment and he will never be the same again (c) Ghostface Killah f/ Carl Thomas

Moral of the Story: If you come over with $300 worth of accessories and only leave with $150, you are exhibiting some scallywag tendencies. [If you come with $150 worth of accessories and leave with more, you may need a lawyer b/c charges are pending IMMEJIATELY (c) Bernice Mac.

Aside: This also begs the question of why don't y'all leave anything that has a purpose? Money on the GA Power/Pepco bill, grilled cheese sammich, perhaps some studs I could rock (no homo). That being said, shout outs to the high maintenance female who is careless about her belongings. In this instance her expensive taste can you work in your favor; Get those shiny items APPRAISED BY A PROFESSIONAL. You could be sitting on a great look and be so oblivious. Now negativity can turn into something positive:

*smirking* "You know, I just want to thank you for your generosity"-Man

*stank face* "Negro, what you tombout?" -Woman

*pointing to the floor* "You see these Gucci slippers? Well, you helped make that dream a reality baby. Check my footwoork. -Man

Friday Funny - Vol. 1

I <3 youtube. It's a sick addiction. It's also contagious because my friends send me clips due to my apprecation for the randomness. So every Friday, I'm going to share some of my video favs. Here is Phonte, 1/2 of Little Brother, speakin on the Chris Brown situation.

Leaders of the New School - Kid Cudi

"I would play my stuff for everybody and my peoples would give me feedback. They'd say, 'Yo, why your shit sound so different?' like it's a bad thing and I'd be like 'Why Not...Nigga haha' "
- Kid Cudi

The the best way to describe Cleveland native, Kid Cudi (pronounced Cuh-Dee), is well, different. He's coming from left field but that doesn't mean he's coming with any less force. Signed on under Kanye's label, G.O.O.D. Music, he is sure to make things happen with Mr. West's support. I think it's best that you just listen. Here are a few of my favs from the mixtape, 'A Kid Named Cudi":

Hump Day - Round 1

Who doesn't love a good slow jam? So every Wednesday, I'll be providing the soundtrack for the day dedicated to cookies, cakes, & cutty. Giggity.

...The Fuck?! - Random Thought of the Day

Curse words are colorful and expressive & I <3 them. I know they say that "if you are intelligent, you'd find a better way to express yourself." Hmmm, how bout:

Sometimes cuss words just fit better. The emotion you feel is so strong that they are exactly what you need to say to release that frustration. I bet you if AI could have dropped the F bomb a few times this press conference would have been even shorter:

Life & Death...

The word "ambigram" is new to me but this one in particular is one of my favorites. It kind of reminds me that death is a part of life; it's the circle of the life, etc. etc. I wouldn't be a hip-hop fan without recognizing the death of The Notorious B.I.G. At the time, I wasn't even a teenager but I just realized he was only 24. Damn. I'm 24 and I have so much more to do. Here's a Biggie classic, remixed in a different way. Close your eyes, open your ears. Chea...

But on the lighter note, Happy 25th to my brother, The Arteest! The Doughboys, Bakerz Dozen. They aint' ready...

Get Out Of My Head...

Have you heard a song and thought back to a conversation you had with a friend like, "Yo! We were just talking about that!" Well, here it is. Don't judge me or my friends. Cus we like them and they like us too (I'm good on midgets and retards tho) ...

The Sassy Girl

I got this idea from Mr Socially Active, I thought I'd put my spin on it...

We've all engaged in a"What's Your Type?" conversation. And I truly don't have a type. I love women in all varieties, flavors, shapes, & sizes. However, if I had a type, it would be the "sassy girl".

Note: The "sassy girl" is not the "bitch", however when pushed to the negative end of the spectrum she can be a bitch, but what women can't?

The Sassy Girl is the one with the slick mouth. She's direct. She's intelligent. She's confident. She's fiery. What may come off as "mean" to others is just a defense mechanism in my eyes. She's only acting that way to weed out the real from the fake. I'm drawn to it b/c in a battle of wits, I need my opponent to be armed; I fight fair. Once you secure her trust though, she is sweet as icing [and I'm not talking about that whipped shit, I'm talking that old school icing you had on your cake when you turned 5]. Behind that wall of sass, she is big softie. And once she's on your side, she is DOWN *screwed up voice* for you. And although all females are guilty of listening to their dumb. ass. friends (Yeah, I said it) she's the one who will stick up for you the most. She's your legal defender in a room full of judges. She is happy to make you happy. BUT the problem with it is, it usually back fires at some point. Normally, the sass is only used playfully for witty conversation and exchanges. However if she is crossed or angry, then the gift turns into the curse. I swear, you forget how that mouth could have EVER been cute when she starts using that wicked tongue. Anything in excess is bad for your health and a woman with a smart azz mouth will infect you with an acute case of Ikeitis. Use at your own risk...

Leaders of the New School - Drake

Aside: Before I begin I'd like to say, *exhale* Damn, I missed this. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend [despite losing my I.D. in Modern] I really had the desire to sit down and pen something. Maybe the consistent urge I've always had to write just needed to be nurtured instead of snuffing it out like a small fire. Now, I'm feeding the inferno. I'm cookin with gas, bitches. I digress...

Let me introduce you to the next LOTNS the same way I was, take a listen:


I hope you listened to it more than once. On first listen I'm sure you noticed the flow and some of the lyrics probably stuck out, but it truly requires multiple listens to appreciate what's he's talking about. By "He", I'm referrin to Drake. I never watched (or heard of) Degrassi, but if you have he played a character named Jimmy Brooks. Since I downloaded his mixtape, "So Far Gone" I truly have not stopped listening. The music is truthful, witty, catchy, and most importantly QUALITY. Women are a constant fixture in his rhymes along with an introspective perspective on everything under the sun. Game recognize game and he's lookin' quite familiar. EVERYONE else I know that downloaded the tape shares an appreciation for it. It's hard to pinpoint my favorite tracks b/c the whole thing is the truth, but here are a few and a bonus gem from his previous mixtape, "Comeback Season". You need them both...

Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. III - You Might Be a Scallywag If...

"She who layeth with dogs, reapeth the fleas of discontent and self loathing. She holds onto fleeting fantasies of Dior and Louis V fancy while stunting her own self growth and fiscal attractiveness. She is a beast that is a danger to herself and ones most close; known throughout lands near & far she is 'femininus scallywageth' " - Ancient African Proverb

So while thinking of our next dose of self help, we decided that we may have put the cart before the proverbial horse. You may be asking, “Wordsmith & Arteest, how can I tell if I exhibit scallywag tendencies?” Excellent question! To help you do your self assessment we have created a 20 question frame of reference just so you know which camp to align with. With the help of this questionnaire, you’ll be on the road to self discovery and recovery in no time. Without further ado, we present ”You might be a Scallywag if…”

1. If you know AND sing all the words to ‘My Neck, My Back’, ‘Buss It Baby’ (actually ANY Plies song), & ‘Bust It Open’
2. If you "take trips out of town" but never come back with any souvenirs or pictures. Just sore legs and the need to get your hair re-done
3. If you are adamant about "only drinking champagne in VIP", but you did not put in on the section
4. If your "man" asks you not to share his name with your friends
5. If you have more than 5 credit cards and only 1 bank account
6. If your knowledge of wine only spans as far as "Red or White", yet you always ask for wine
7. If your boyfriend does not live with you, pays NaN bill, or support his own kids, yet you insist your daughter/son call him 'Daddy'
8. If you have ever lost a job because your manager was "hatin"
9. If you strip to go to pay for Medical/Dental/Pharmacy school, BUT have never applied for a grant or fellowship
10. If your lip gloss is "poppin'!"
11. If you feel the need to drop it, shake it, and/or bust it open at a moment’s notice
12. If you've ever cussed out a cashier over anything under $1
13. If you've made an excuse for Chris Brown’s innocence
14. If your "Chicken Soup for the Soul" comes from a Beyonce, Keisha Cole, and/or Mary J. Blige song
15. If you think that you can be an event planner b/c you made the cupcakes and "jungle juice" for your homegirl’s baby shower
16. If you know more about celebrity gossip than current events
17. If you think talking louder than everyone else makes your point valid
18. If you truly believe all your man problems are b/c "niggaz ain't shit"
19. If your tattoos have NO meaning and are larger than most men
20. If "skeet" has become a term of endearment between you and your man
    
    

Leaders of the New School - Wale

I <3 Music. The older I get the more eclectic my ears become, however I am and forever will be a hip-hop head. I am sort of an elitist when it comes to my music though i.e. Quality Production, Quotable Lyrics, Infectious Melodies & Cool Ass Hooks (I’m also a sucker for a strategically placed Ad-lib). Living in the A, I hear A LOT of comedy on the radio and I’m not talking about the The Rickey Smiley Morning Show. Towards the end of last year, I got a major iPod update and was put on to some talented up & coming artist. I’ll be highlighting some of my favorites on the site because well, it’s my site. Muhahahahahahaha….

My cousin, TheEscapeArtist, is from Murrland (Maryland) and if you know anybody from the DMV [D.C. – Maryland – Virginia], you are already aware that they rep it hard. So we are in the car one day and he pops in a random unmarked mixtape. The track begins and I hear George from Seinfeld going on about his artistic integrity and then some rapper begins to VERBALLY ASSAULT the track.

*nodding my head fervently* “Who is this?!” –Wordsmith
*signature smug smirk* “Wale” –TheEscapeArtist

A D.C. native, Wale quickly caught my attention with a combination of bravado, flow, blistering metaphors and similes. And for someone who is NOT a Go-Go fan (Schowwy), the hip-hop/go-go beats actually go in. He has three mixtapes out that I’m aware of, “The Mixtape About Nothing”; “Hate is The New Love”; and “100 Miles & Running” … you need them all.