Momma, I Made It!

Besides it being one of the few shining points off "Kingdom Come", its exactly what I said once I got the news I've been waiting for... I was accepted to MLT! As I was sitting here wondering what I could write about, I remembered that I hadn't shared my news with the blogosphere (I did inform the twitterverse though). Now I embark on another journey, but I've realized I operate best when I have a goal and a clear path to get there. I expect my experiences to inspire me to write more and I'll be sure to share as much as I see fit. Told ya'll I'm selfish.

B.o.B. - Nothing on You

To be honest, I expected more from Grand Hustle when T.I. went away last March. I mean, they have a decent roster and you can always count on Dro for some comedy (the jury is still out on what "apple fruit" really is). But lowkey, the most talented up and coming artist on Grand Hustle is B.oB. He was intially brought to my attention with the mixtape "B.o.B. vs Bobby Ray" which reminds me of a mix between "The Love Below" and "So Far Gone". He has two personas; B.o.B. raps and Bobby Ray croons. I heard his new single on the radio and it immediately caught my ear. I think the young man is going places. Take a listen.

Did Ya Miss Me?! (c) Varnell Hill

Hello. Hola. Bonjour. What it is? What it Do?!

The first thing I noticed about my page was my new followers. Then I thought "if this is SPAM, I'ma feel real stupid". But regardless, Welcome. Let's jump right into this because I have a confession to make...I'm selfish. Well, a selfish writer. You see I'm selective about what I share. Even though everytime I begin to write my thoughts immediately go everywhere like spilled milk, I clean it up and make it presentable. I tell you what I want you to know and you like it. But I swear I have a Na'vi-esque connection with this thing called penmanship (if you haven't seen Avatar, #killyoself). I touch the keyboard and we become one & it's hard to filter emotions when writing is the very catharsis that's needed. So when I'm stressed, I don't write. I think. I ponder. I worry. I pray. I vent. But I don't write. Then I thought, what's the purpose of being able to articulate yourself when you save it for when its "perfect"? Better out than in, right? Right. So read this...

"Greetings…It’s been a minute. Hope you’ve been well. If you follow me on twitter you get a taste of what’s going on, but I haven’t all out BLOGGED in months. I’ve been preparing for my future. I’m on that adult shit. I never knew how much I wanted to move on until 1) I knew it was possible and 2) I had a plan. To say I’m bored at my current job would be an understatement. I’m rotting. I’m wasting talent. A talent that I once thought was reserved for an extracurricular activity. But now, I’m confident and assured that my creativity mixed with my penmanship can take me to the places I’ve only dreamed of. Sadly, my background is in finance and no matter how persuasive I think I am, no ones gonna hire me based on my mouthpiece…Pause. I need to be certified. So in comes the MBA piece. So far on my ride to the top, I wanted to take the elevator but lately it feels like that bitch is out of service and I’m stuck taking the steps…to the 50th floor. After two botched attempts @ the GMAT that were disheartening and gut wrenching, I was left discouraged more than anything. On top of that, I’ve been placed on a waiting list twice for MLT and now I’m scheduled to take the test a third time. I feel like I’m getting jerked with no lube. BUT despite it all I preserve. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, maybe I’m blindly persistent, I think I’m just ready to be great. I have dreams and visions…and they’re in HD."

If you know me, you know that I wouldn't have shared that if I had not already taken the test and gotten the score I needed. #BOW #BOW LOL And I will know in a week whether I'm accepted to MLT or not. Regardless of how that goes, I'm in a good place. I've learned the difference between a winner, a loser and a champion. And I'ma champion.

My brain is getting a much needed rest and I can write again. I have more music to share, more Self-Help to distribute to these foul beasts with my co-author the Arteest(@scallywaggin84), more commentary on the male/female dynamic, and a few other surprises.

I'm just gettin started bitches (c) Rick James

Music Monday - P$C

Every good rapper has a crew of less talented rappers that they believe in and vouche for. Eminem has D12, Nelly has St. Lunatics (wait...what Nelly isn't a good rapper), & T.I. has P$C. Now out of all the aforementioned, I'd much rather listen to P$C. Perhaps it's my affinity for ATL, Jawjah but whatever it is, they got some joints. Take a listen.

*Note I also wanted to post "Limelight" and "Set It Out" but the youtube videos were fucked up.

Music Monday - Gucci Mane La Flaire

When Gucci Mane emerged during my undergrad days, he was most definitely an acquired taste. So years later to hear him on the radio, in Chicago no less, was eh surprising to say the least (but then I remembered those niggaz are country too). However, the moment I saw that nigga in a video w/ Mariah Carey, all I could say was "Well Damn". Regardless of how you feel about his lyricism, his drawl, or his beloved ad-libs (Burrr!), I dare you to not nod your head in 5, 4, 3, 2, ...

Music Monday - Comeback Season

Thanks to Columbus 'ol thievin ass, I got a day off. BOW! Not feeling too wordy, but luckily these songs describe how I've been feeling lately. Drake has gone from obscure underdog to much hyped favorite, but it's always great to hear an artist at their hungriest. His 2nd mixtape, "Comeback Season" has a quite a few gems on it. Close your eyes and listen to him shine...

Battle of the Sexes - #whyyoualways

In honor of Hump Day, Wednesdays will be a day to voice your opinion on the opposite sex. Questions, Comments, or if you just generally feel like talkin' shit, hey, feel free to do it here.

One of the songs this year that got the ladies moist and giddy was "Best I Ever Had". I'm pretty confident that most women relished in the following verse: "Sweat pants/hair tied/chillin wit no make-up on/that's when you're the prettiest/hope that you don't take it wrong" (c) Drake. I agree with his sentiment BUT, it most definitely needs some clarification. When he talks about a woman being @ her "prettiest" when she's chillin, dare I say it's less about her appearance and more about her demeanor. A woman's aesthetic beauty is often times her #1 asset and when I think of the time, money & tactics y'all employ to stay on point...Clap for 'em, Clap for 'em (c) Hov. And let's face it, women need their self-esteem tank filled up with compliments everyday and fellas, it would behoove of you to use premium my friend.. That being said, when she is comfortable enough to take off her cool and lay around with those PINK sweatpants and "Just Say No" tee from back in the day, her comfort level is what makes her pretty because we all know how ugly low self-esteem is. HOWEVER, ladies, don't you, e-ver, get to, comfortable. Don't turn into Aunt Jemima as soon as you walk in the door and go searching for that scarf. Don't go from business professional to Cinderella fresh. I'm just saying, #whyyoualways gotta put on your sweatpants and birkenstocks?

Music Monday - Wasted

In an effort to tie myself to my blog again, I'm borrowing something from my favorite social networking site of the moment, Twitter. Music Mondays will consist of new videos, new songs, or just the songs I like to sing (c) Chappelle as Diddy

If the following song wasn't included in your pre-game festivities this summer, #youlie or you were just too fucked up* to remember. Gucci Mane La Flare (Burrr) and good 'ol Algernon (It's Plies Baaaaybay) cooked up some southern friend ignorance that transcends all demographics. From the trap to the suburbs, everyone likes to party. So even if you don't wear tight jeans like the white boys, I'm sure you've been wasted like the white boys...I know I have... DC @ The Park 7/24 <---Well Damn.

*G.P.S.A. (Ghetto Public Service Announcement) - We don't get fucked up no more, we get wasted.

Self-Help for the Sensible Woman to the Scallywag, Vol. IX - What's On Your Resume?

It’s been a long time; we shouldn’t have left you, without some self-help to bless you. I trust that our guide to the bake sale helped you avoid anything other than the freshest pastries this summer. Remember, those public muffins will fuck you up EVERY-TIME, but that pound cake is A OK wit ya boys. We digress…

In these tumultuous economic times its important to bring you’re “A” game and set yourself apart from the proverbial pool of applicants. That means grinding in the office and ensuring your resume shines at all times. This also applies to pursuing that special love interest and/or relationship. I mean, let’s be real, stocks and bonds aren’t the only places where value has severely declined. We want you to stay on your toes, you know, just in case there is an unexpected career change...”Got a new bitch, now you Jennifer Aniston” © Kanye West. So in order to keep yourself relevant and revered, my colleague and I have some tips to help you craft a stellar relationship resume that will launch you from spreadsheet slut to professional pimpage in no time.

Objective - Ladies, it’s imperative you clearly define what you want or otherwise you will be placed into someone else's mold for you. I don't know if you were THAT kid, but uh the square peg doesn’t fit in the round hole. The sad reality is many women looking for careers submit resumes worthy of temp jobs and back office work; and once you get relegated to the back office you ain’t ever getting any face time with the clients. You're officially a paper pusher or as my colleague so eloquently put it, a spreadsheet slut. So we implore you, say what you mean and mean what you say because we all know closed mouths don’t get fed!

Education - As much as we would love for you to have your MBA and JD (#shoutout to Claire Huxtable), sometimes common sense, quick thinking and the ability to do the math are quite sufficient! At the end of the day, every man wants a chick with some substance, but when you continually try to use chess moves in a game of checkers, you clearly ain't reading from the right play book (and you definitely don’t want to get Tim Tebow’d out chea). Common sense is vital in the cruel world of make ups to break ups. If you don’t believe what we have to say about all that extra book learning, just ask Condoleezza Rice the last time she tasted that “sweet meat” © Plies…don’t worry we’ll wait! Don’t become too smart for your own damn good, that’s all we’re saying. Because while a man may want his mind enlightened, I guarantee he also wants to go dumb on those cakes…Tell me when to go!

Experience - When being compared against a group of qualified candidates, the value of your “experience” will make the difference between a corner office and the mailroom. Experience should give your potential employer an indication of whether you can perform the job to the best of your ability, NOTHING MORE. Far too often we receive resumes from applicants who can’t seem to keep a good job or are content with “bouncing from gig to gig”. Don’t get it twisted though, experience is most definitely relative and too much will get your resume shredded before it hits the desk. There’s no shame in working your way up to the top, but if your name is hot in the streets like the new Madden we have no choice but to leave you in the lobby with the secretary, D’Enda Mydik and see to it that you are promptly escorted off the premises.

References - As much as employers don’t like to have to second guess your work history, sometimes references are necessary to call upon. Ladies, take it from us, we can perform a background check in a matter of minutes (it’s simple as a text) for the free so you might as well be straight up from the jump. It’s nothing sadder than hearing from a prior employer how you tried to embezzle money or inappropriately use the company credit card, or worst of all, habitually offering those atrocious public muffins around the office in the morning. Keep a clean slate and end your working relationship on good terms, it’ll take you far young Jedi’s.

Remember update early and often. You never know when the time will come for you to show what you bring to the table. Next time, Vol. X – BOW! BOW!

You Ain't Got To Save Mine, I Want It NOW

If you don't know where the title came from, nigga, die. Naw, but seriously, it's a quotable from the Earthy & Black "snap-don't-clap" classic Love Jones. This post in actuality has NOTHING to do with the movie, but follow me and I'll bring it all full circle...leggo!

My blogs generally come from my vast random thoughts, but with Twitter I don't have to wait to deposit these thoughts into the mental warehouse that is my blog. I knew the shit was called micro-blogging, but damn, it's proved to be true. That being said, I'm going to start saving the thoughts that can be further expounded upon and get these posts cranking again...YOU-AH!!! (Did anyone ever establish how the hell you spell that sound?)

So check back, I'm out chea.

Brand New Money

It's Monday. If you're like me, this morning you hit snooze enough times to be charged with battery. In that foggy daze, between "sleep" & "awake", I go through my mental Outlook calendar and review what I have to accomplish for the day. These days it involves, projects, application deadlines and ALL that brand new money I have my eye on. Day's almost over now, but the grind is ever present. I'm holding my weight, even if sometimes I need a spotter.

It's Complicated - Friday Funny

Regardless of what is has become, Facebook is a phenomenon that changed the game. Don't get me wrong, it had predecessors: Blackplanet - If you didn't have a page, you were losing. My screen name was...D_ReaLesT. Go ahead, laugh @ me. Shit, I even joined MiGente so I could cover all my bases. In hindsight though, both those sites lacked the most important characteristic that makes something 'a little bit cooler'...exclusivity. Facebook was for college students. JUST college students. You couldn't even sign up without your fuckin' school issued e-mail address. I was perpetually single for the majority of college so it was a great tool to network. I'll leave the words single and network open to your interpretation :-)

Initially, Facebook was the best thing since sliced bread. I was poking, messaging, and friend requesting every PYT I found, but all good things come to an end. This is when I learned one of my first important lessons about women - they mark their territory. Actually, I knew that but that's when I realized something as simple as a "what she wrote on your wall" was enough to turn a chick into The HULK - green with envy; and I definitely didn't like her when she was angry. It no longer mattered what I did when I wasn't being watched b/c being tagged in an album ratted me out worse then T.I.'s bodyguard because it showed explicitly -who I was with, what I wore, where I was, and HOW I dancing!

It's comical now, but Facebook & I have had an interesting almost abusive past. The situations that are top of mind:

1) Someone constructed a fake profile of me with a quite unflattering profile picture (Hint:Bob Marley is normally photographed doing something similar). It said my interests were "playing with women's emotions"....among other things.

2) Ex girl messaging my next girl (luckily, the girl I was f***** @ the time wasn't involved and it didn't turn into a faulty Facebook love triangle) . I still remember getting that call and as I walked out of class, *confused tone* "Uh, Why did ________ send me a Facebook message?". My heart dropped and fell into the sole of my left shoe.

All that being said, I'm still on Facebook. lol I'm hardheaded I know BUT things have changed drastically. There have been entirely too many innovations to list, but most imporantly, most people recognize that "It's JUST Facebook". However, it wouldnt' be right if there wasn't drama over someone's status update, news feed, & new album. I just don't entertain the bullshit anymore, I tweet about it. Check out the video below that pretty much sums it all up. I'm Baaaaack

It All Started With a Grilled Cheese Sammich

I've been absent from my writing post for almost two weeks now. Meanwhile, numerous news worthy events have transpired and gone undocumented on my watch. I should have to turn in my pen and my page should be deactivated. My literary license should be revoked ...yeah right. It's not THAT serious. But what is serious is what I have to say concerning the rest of this year.

As I stood in front of the open refrigerator enjoying the view (it was empty for a few weeks while I was traveling), I suddently had a craving for a grilled cheese sammich. If you've been reading the Self-Help series, you know the signifcance of this delicacy. After I whipped one up and enjoyed all the crunchy cheesiness that eminates from those two pieces of bread, I reflected on my year thus far. I've accomplished goals but I still have miles to go before I sleep [and miles to go before I sleep]. So now that I, well, we are embarking on the second half of '09 you can expect the following:

• No more Hump Day or Friday Funny. I've been thinking of alternative ways of providing consistent writing samples every week and when I come up with them I'll post them (however I'm reserving the right to bring Hump Day back if a new song oozing with sexual innuendo comes out or if I just have the urge to talk my shit)


• Increased dialogue around male/female relations. Candid dialogue. So I'll put the disclaimer out there: I'm not trying put anyone on blast. I write to right the wrongs & sometimes that includes highlighting some personal experiences from friends or even myself. All names will be changed to protect the innocent (and my car, facebook page, & anything of mine that could be vandalized for vindictive purposes)


• Tweetin' : @davedougie...Follow me (as creepy as that sounds)

Stay tuned for more slick talk.

Hump Day - Your Voice

I have writer's block...I don't know why. I'm trying not to force it. I said "Self, just let it flow", but self replies "I'm constipated, mentally". I wanted to say something eloquent & witty about the voice, you know, something like it's an audible identification card. But then I couldn't find the words to stitch it to the next point that if someone is intriguing enough, a conversation should be a dance. In the beginning it's, its like a waltz. Methodical & rigid, initial conversations follow a certain pattern with the goal of building a foundation of knowledge about each other. As you become comfortable, it's more like "freak dancing" (please check out this accurate definition courtesy of urban dictionary). Ideally, you want conversation with the opposite sex to mimic the tango - fluid movement & understanding of the other's person's style. You anticipate their next move and know when to lead & when to follow. Then you know I had to throw in a point alluding to phone sex & some sexual innuendo. But... It just didn't come together like I wanted to. Check out the song, I'll be back with a vengeance next week.

Just Because...

I like a long-haired, thick, red bone... Pass a nigga napkin, por favor

Hump Day - Make It Like It Was

So I've been listening to Pandora all day sans headphones and I must say it's been clutch like the last piece of gum before the pack has been ravaged. I created a cool little station called "Old Soul". The foundation was laid with my favorite 70's group, The Stylistics, and brick by brick this house of soul is being built before my eyes & ears with the help of some other legendary artists. The longer the station plays, the brighter the light of truth shines... our music sucks in comparison to our parent's selection of tunes. What happened to the soul, to the passion, to the QUALITY? The world may never know. But b/c I'm not feeling as verbose today, I'm offering up 3 of my favorites...

Text Me Ba-by, Ba-by...TEXT MEEE! (Think R.Kelly)

So I took a moment yesterday and examined the progression of social communication in my lifetime...It started with getting "The Number". During these years (Middle School - High School) all you had was a land line i.e. house phone. House phone meant that you weren't lingering on the phone for extended periods of time b/c your parents had important "grown folks business" to handle...that is, until the late night hour. We all have held conversations on the phone hoping that one of the two things did NOT happen 1) You hear a faint knock on your door (in my case, it was Mom hatin') tellin you to "Get Off That Phone & Go To Bed" 2) Or the worse option of someone (Mom was still hatin in this deparment) gettin ONTO the phone and askin asking "Who are you talkin to on MY phone this late? Parents get possesive & shit when you make them upset. Sidnote: To every individual who talked so much their parents gave them their OWN line, the epitome of "cool" before you had your own whip, I salute you.

Next, it was AOL Instant Messanger or AIM (High School - College). The crack like addiction to AIM should have been an omen for what text messaging would become. After riding home sweaty & geeked from a "wild" night at the local teen club (hilarious), you'd sign on to AIM which sorta became an afterparty in itself. You know, teenagers doing what they do best, tryna cut something (don't front, its true). Even in my formidable years, I realized the power in words and written game is so much more tangible. I won't even incriminate myself and discuss the benefits of picture sharing & AIM. *Computer Love playing softly in the background* Cellular phones COMPLETELY altered the way the game is played. Sadly, I did not have one before I graduated from high school (Mom was a habitual hater) but my best friend did...And his # was my # when it was necessary. This was the best way to pump fake the parents into thinking you were one place and using the celly to make arrangements so you could go slam dunk something. YOOOUUUU-A! (c) The Dream. And when you became bored of actually talking on your cell phone, then you had thumb fuckin or text sex.

It's evident now though that pseudo talking i.e. texting is the preferred method of communcation. I don't know why it came as such a surprise initially. I mean, everyone wrote notes in their youth. Numerous people find comfort in being able to share thoughts w/o truly (by that I mean audibly) voicing their opinion. The convenience of the text message is undeniable. Don't want to talk, text. Out with the homies but you'd rather be with someone else, text. Out with the homies and you want to make sure you're with someone at the end of the night [AY! (c) Juiceman], text. I will say that there needs to be some text etiquette that comes with every phone (extra rules if you have a QWERTY keyboard) although I won't get into them all on this post. Remember, safe text is great text. Also, in case you didn't know, Bitches love smiley faces (c) Ed Wuncler (The Boondocks). Emoticons, ya know this shit --> :-) :-( ;-P

I digress...The point of this whole post was to say, check out this song "LOL Smiley Face". Yeah I got a bit long winded on this one.

Aside: Be weary of the drunk text, the incriminating text, or the superlongtextthatprobablywillbemisinterpreted.

Hump Day - Girl Tonight

So recently, I've gotten back in the gym. I was sick of paying the "fat tax" as L.A. Fitness gets that good autodraft out of my account whether I get motivated to work out or decide to kick it with Mary Jane, Ben & Jerry. Since I've been waking up sore most mornings I'm constantly reminded how the glory is all about how you look AFTER you have perspired & strained like a bodybuilder on roids. The ends justify the means but aside from the odd sadomasochist sensation that comes from working your muscles, frankly it sucks trying to get right. Thankfully, other "physical" activities are pleasurable from beginning down to the very end. Even though some people don't know how to slow down and participate in the events that "Fore"shadow a rumpus rendezvous, if given proper instruction I'm sure they will learn to appreciate it. The anticipation heightens the experience, b/c sometimes you can't get in that matinee like you'd like to. So you have to rely on those subtle touches & quality hugs until later. Just to bring the point home, make sure you whisper in her like "Girl...tonight".

Friday Funny (on Tuesday) - Can You BELIEVE Reggie Bush wifed Kim?

The Finals are over and I'm lightweight depressed. I mean, seriously, what am I supposed to watch now? Wimbledon!?! It's not the same...although, seeing Serena in all her [thickness]athletic prowess will make up for some of the angst I feel. One of the greatest parts of this NBA post season was the MVP Puppets ads. I love commercials so it's a given that I'd appreciate this, but even someone who was waiting for the game to come back on could get down with these. Here's a parody of one of the commercials.

Hump Day - In the Middle

9 times of 10, my mind is in the middle. No, not in the gutter, but in the middle. You know, the softest place on EarF. It's not b/c I'm a "perv" or a "sexual deviant" (both of which I have been called in a joking manner... LOL ... pardon me, I had to laugh @ that), but because I'm a man and a passionate one at that. I'm an affection advocate, a PDA proponent, & if I <3 you, I'm going to demonstrate this to you every chance I get. Remember, Virginia is for Lovers. That being said, I'm going to let a fellow Virginian break it down for you...